Image via WikipediaFor Getting Out or Staying Out of No-Win Traps
Consider the following points as you contemplate what to do in a no-win trap dilemma, or a situation that could develop into one:
1. Consider your issues. Pick the one you’re most committed to following through on all the way this time.
2. What ways can you deal with it? Think of at least three. That will help you see you have options.
3. What is the best that could happen? Play your thoughts all the way out in your mind.
4. What is the worst that could happen? The worst almost never happens, but it helps you to consider contingencies. Concerning present and future “worst case scenarios,” the key point is to remain open to help and input, especially in those moments when you’re sure nothing will work.
5. Is there some person or service you can consult? Make good use of outside input. Remember that the final decision is up to you.
6. Consider your overall plan to resolve the situation, while making allowance for contingencies and feedback from others. Remember, what you ultimately think is what counts.
7. Decide if you’ll act now, later, or do nothing. Sometimes just standing back for a while is the best thing.
8. Calm your mind with positive self-statements such as, “I can deal calmly and effectively with the consequences of this decision.”
9. Surround yourself with supportive people and organizations that can help provide structure while you make changes and move on to new things in life. Create a list of names and phone numbers of people you can call upon.
Once you’ve gone through all the above nine steps, decide what you’ll focus on next, beyond your no-win trap dilemma, and keep that focus as much as possible. Dwelling on your problems all the time can often do more harm than good. Do all that you can do then let some help and answers come to you. In the long run, what really counts is the inner belief that you’ll find an effective and positive way to get through and out of your situation.
Step 4: Have the philosophy, “Nip your problems in the bud before they nip you in yours”. - After going through the “Quick-Check Chattering Monkeys Exercise, consider what number on the self-rating scale of 5 to 1 you are on concerning you various matters.
If something has bothered you over 48 hours, make a pact with yourself to do something about it. Make a point of taking the necessary steps on as high a number as you can, so the effort it takes to deal with each matter isn’t as much as it would be if your number is down to a “1”.
Step 5: Take a moment out to appreciate something about yourself and/or those around you right in this space of time. Make a point of doing this every day. (I’m presently developing a habit of doing it “on the hour”, even if it’s to myself and I’m in the middle of something. No one even has to know.) Every time you appreciate yourself and others, it’s like smelling flowers along the way. The more you take moments of time out, (and longer periods of time too!), to enjoy and appreciate it all, the more life will seem to fall into place. Also, you will more and more experience “living in the flow”, even if “today” doesn’t seem to be going so well.
I remember someone telling me that at one particular time in her life, she and her family had gone through a great ordeal in having to move around a lot. She was never really sure about where she would be living next. However, her mother made a point of always have a vase with some sort of fresh flowers in it to look at. This woman told me she learned to know she was “at home” when she had fresh flowers, and makes a point of having them in her own home now as often as she can.
More inner and outer peace to you! Let me know how it’s going!
C- Copyright – 4/21/08 by Barbara A. Berg for overall article except for The Quick Check Chattering Monkeys Exercise. (That was written by Barbara Cowan Berg, also me, and is in “How To Escape The No-Win Trap”, published McGraw-Hill 2004). For permission to copy, please call 909-786-7201 or email me at babsberg@earthlink.net. Check out www.BarbaraBerg.com. – Would love to hear from you!
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